My mom has smoked as long as I can remember. My dad smoked too, but not like her. It's constant; anything stressful, she smokes. I don't want anyone to feel judged, but whenever I'm around a smoker I just feel gross, like I have a layer of grit on me (much like a city near a lot of factories.) the smell stays on you forever, yellows your teeth, gives you wrinkles around the mouth, and most important to me,
it endangers you and your family. Every time I inhale second hand smoke (far more toxic than the filtered that the smoker enjoys) my lungs are clogged and blackened with toxins and I increase my risk of lung cancer. Multiply that by 24 years of exposure, and you can see why I might be concerned. Add to that a family history of cancers of all kinds, even in people who take care of themselves (including the current smoker) and perhaps you'll understand why I just
freaking hate it with all my being. This is not a habit that hurts only you, it hurts everyone around you, whether you can see it or not. If you have kids (who don't already smoke, another downside to being a smoking parent) you should know that my relationship with my mom has never been as good as it could be. Why? I really resent that cigarettes are more important to her than her and her family's health. I think it's insulting, and for a long time I wouldn't go around them. My feelings were so strong -
"Why would you risk your future with us for something so stupid? Do you not care about us at all? How are you going to feel if I become sick later; will you always wonder if it was your fault?" It sounds melodramatic now, but kids and teenagers feel every emotion intensely, and over time it builds up. So don't think that your kids don't care, even if they say they don't. They are hurt; they worry; they're angry. It will affect your connection in subtle, and not-so-subtle, ways.
I've never pushed my mother to quit (as an adult, anyway) because I know it has to come from her own heart for it to stick. That's why I am SO, SO, SO PROUD OF HER! Today is her quit day, May 8 (the day before my birthday =) and she has been doing it all right. Seeing a smoking cessation counselor, taking a class, getting gum, mints, carrot sticks, etc., (starting a new knitting project to occupy her fingers...) I hope you all will keep her in your thoughts, and us as well because smoking is a very hard habit to drop. Ultimately, though, she will gain something in return that can't be bought at a gas station - the respect of her friends and family, the joy of those who love her, and the feeling that she is finally doing something to care for herself, because she matters.
I should be clear and say that I dearly love my mom, and always have. I also respect her as a business woman and scientist, mom, and wife. It has been very hard to watch a woman that I nearly lost to cancer continue to hurt her own body, as if we didn't need her here! I hope no one misunderstands, but I wanted to be honest about what a child (even a grown one) feels about their parent smoking (or really, doing anything else detrimental to their health!) Just in case there are any parents thinking of quitting... DO IT! =D
