Well, I asked before I posted about this.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Normally I veer away from personal topics, but this one couldn't be ignored, See, after a glass of wine last night and about two boxes of tissues, Mark and I talked a long time and decided to separate. Not because we're unhappy, or don't want each other any more, but because we both have things we want to do that just can't involve somebody waiting on them. He needs to go home to NZ when he graduates and face all the things he ran away from (his words) and I need to move elsewhere to pursue my art. I guess it sucks so bad because we still love/care about each other; I think he shed as many tears as me. I feel so lucky though, not only because we had this wonderful time together, but because we have been able to handle this with real grace and compassion.

We even shared a story with each other. His parts are about the caterpillar, mine about the stone...

In a beautiful garden, it was summer all the time. A caterpillar met a smooth, dark stone in that garden and they became fast friends. They spent every day together and were so close. However, one day the stone was found by the gardener; "This doesn't belong here! it needs to be back with all the other stones, at the beach!" So, not seeing the frantic caterpillar, he slipped it in his pocket and carried it on the bumpy and dark ride to the beach. The caterpillar was left behind, crying all day and all night. Eventually it cried so many tears that its body was covered and the tears hardened into a chrysalis. And as the stone was worn by the ocean, the caterpillar erupted from the chrysalis, the most beautiful butterfly in history. From the beach the stone could see the glint on the wings, and its heart ached with sadness. But the waves washed away the stone's tears, and other parts too, until the stone, too, was transformed into something beautiful. But the days in the garden were a warm memory for both the stone and the caterpillar, and though the ache lessened, there were still thoughts of each other from time to time.

The end!

Well, it made me feel better anyway. I don't know if I'll be posting any knitting progress for a while though. I have never "lost" anyone so close to me and it feels like sacrilege to be doing things I did before. We WILL be living together through May, when we'll split up all of our things (because there's no way we could bear it now.) Until then we'll still be a couple, and not see other people or anything like that! We're just a couple with an expiration date, and one that is sadly too soon.

If you have any good vibes, please send me some as right now both our hearts are breaking big time but this is just how it has to be for us.


Phyl said...

I'm sending loads and loads of good thoughts your way.

I am sorry this is happening but I'm happy to see two people being so loving and kind to one another during a very hard time.

bradyphrenia said...

:-( *hugs*

i'm glad that you two could be so honest with each other and yourselves. you are both handling it gracefully, and my thoughts are with you.